Thoughts on "The Courage to Be Disliked"
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Date: 1st May, 2026
The Courage to Be Disliked is a book by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga about Adlerian psychology. The authors note that ancient philosophers had open dialogues; so the book reflects that with dialogues between a young man and a professor. I listened to the audiobook in early 2026 as part of my new years resolution.

Right off the bat, I would not recommend this book to everyone. I believe it can be really triggering for people with traumas because it invalidate and victim blame people with complex mental issues "traumas does not exist". Many people online already posed an issue with this chapter of the book as problematic; especially with improved research and understanding of mental health. Other than this chapter of the book, which is repeated a few times in other chapters, I like the book for it's unique perspective on life and intrapersonal relationships. Apparently, the book is not true to Adlerian psychology and the actual psychology are more empathetic. But this post is about the book, and yeah, not going to lie, the chapter was a bit hard to read. I do get the message- we can change how trauma impact us. It is about self-empowerment.

The book also talks about intrapersonal relationships (relationships with others) and it hit the nail to how I feel about relationships. It talks about how we should not let other's views holding us back and we should prioritise self. At the same time, collaboration is highlighted as everyone other than self should be considered as "comrades". It is an interesting take that I have always try to balance- keeping true to myself while considering the people around me. The professor in the book states people have their own societal roles, and we should "stick to your own role", AGAIN... something I was trying to contextualise. Since 2022, I had a big problem with how my co-workers was performing- it would emotionally and mentally affecting me. So I always knew I need to keep to myself or "mind my own business". But after listening to the discussion, it made sense and helped me process my intrapersonal problems.

I took a breaks between chapters to process what was discussed in the book. By the end of it, I did not feel like listening to any other self-help books. I guess this book hit the nail to many of the things I wanted to address. And honestly, there is so many advices until it is just told differently. As a civilisation, we have lived and recorded stories, texts and advices for centuries, by now we are just regurgitating other's speaking point in a different way.

I like "The Courage to Be Disliked" offers a different perspective in agency- that everyone is an agent in their life and everyone have the power to change. I found myself many times like the young man who are baffled at the older man's claims. Many things make sense but that does not mean I agree. Nevertheless, I can understand the sentiment and underlying message. That we can make a difference in our own lives and it is not hopeless.